2. The only liquid you ever drink is water, and you don’t even realize it until someone points it out or asks if you want something from Sonic.
3. You take so many supplements that you call the brand to ask if you can send back your bottles for a refill. Better way to recycle, eh?
4. You have more supplements than all of your grandmother’s and grandfather’s prescriptions combined.
5. If you went back in time, you’d pass your college anatomy and physiology class with flying colors.
6. People that know you well will let you fumble around with your word-finding and sputtering, because if they try to help or correct you, you’ll burst out into tears. (“I wasn’t always this stupid!!!”)
7. You own more granny panties than thongs, bikinis, or any other cute/sexy underwear.
8. You loosen your tennis shoes permanently because your feet are swollen 90% of the time.
9. You’re excited about getting a free t-shirt from somewhere, and even more excited when it’s an extra-large, since they only thing you’re comfortable in is loose-fitting clothing.
10. You only shave your legs when it finally becomes uncomfortable and itchy, even in the summer.
11. You run out of dry shampoo 5 times before running out of normal shampoo.
12. Those pill organizers don’t have enough times of the day or room in each container to fit all of your supplements and vitamins. Also, half of your supplements are in liquid form.
13. You know what sub-lingual means, and why it’s important.
14. A doctor is diagnosing you with something new, seeming hesitant or scared to tell you because of how you might react, but instead you react with, “Meh.”
15. Your medicine cabinet is filled with supplements, tinctures, drops, essential oils, epsom salts, apple cider vinegar, herbs, and coconut oil.
16. Your nutritionist/chiropractor/acupuncturist/massage therapist knows you better than your best friends.
17. The only holiday decorations you put up are cards that friends and family have sent you.
18. You can’t find a movie to watch on Netflix because you’ve already watched them all.
19. You cry at the new Google commercial about a sick dog because your hormones are effed up.
20. You ALSO cry because that building over there with the two windows and archway looks like a sad face and you wonder why it is so sad.
21. You run out of tissues beside your bed, so you blow your nose in your shirt sleeve since you’re too fatigued to get up.
22. Your significant other is going to be out of town for the weekend, so he cooks 3 meals for you, and you don’t even heat them up before eating them.
23. In fact, you just grab a banana, because getting out your meal from the tupperware, transferring it onto a plate, and getting a fork and a napkin just sounds like too much to bear.
24. You find a huge bruise on your body and you have no idea what you did to get it.
25. A student you know asks to interview you for a project in their health class.
26. Your friends on Facebook have no idea what you look like because they haven’t seen a photo of you in months and all you post are articles about health and awareness.
27. Your chronically ill friends you’ve connected with online become your best friends.
28. Your Pinterest boards start changing drastically from boards like “Living Room Decor” and “Gardening” to “Detoxes”, “Lyme-Fighting Foods”, and “Inspirational Health Quotes”.
29. You’re afraid of being invited to someone’s place for dinner. (Cuz, um, I can’t have any of that.)
30. You start crying and your husband doesn’t even look up or ask what’s wrong. And you’re okay with that.
31. Your Christmas wish list consists of a heating pad, an air purifier, and Whole Foods gift cards.
32. Your DIY project of the month is making castor oil packs for pain management.
33. An elderly woman asks if you need help loading your groceries into your car.
34. You can’t remember how you functioned in life before your Vitamix or your juicer.
And, last but not least, you know you have a chronic illness when…
35. Upon telling someone of your illness and they say things like, “But you don’t look sick,” or “But you never complain about anything!” or “Are you sure?” or “What’s the prognosis?” or “Get well soon,” you just sigh and smile even though you want to duct tape their mouth shut before they say anything else that might make you go step onto your soapbox and give a lecture about what not to say to someone with an invisible illness. Because smiling is what we do. Even though we feel like big piles of poop being trampled on by a herd of rhinoceros in 100 degree heat after a three year drought.
1. You have to knock on the door of your elderly neighbor to ask if she can open a jar for you.